Yes technorati, of course i don't have any problem with having to insert a random sequence of letters into a new blog post just so you can verify i own it. here..
GJ5RQE7NKRWK
....anything else i can do for you? Would you like me to transfer my domain name to you? maybe cook you a pie?
Let me know
love and hugs
Les
Thursday 3 December 2009
Wednesday 18 November 2009
An Ode to Santa
Inspired by the following article printed within The Bolton News, Wednesday 18th November 2009.
http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/4745233.Shortage_means_Santa_s_grotto_will_be_empty/
Twas the month before Christmas and all through the town,
Not a Santa was working, for none could be found.
They were all busy filling out forms of a sort,
that allowed them to show they had never been caught,
doing anything likely to warrant arrest,
that may prevent working with kids this xmas.
Despite the fact mum and dad would be present,
when young Freddie was sat discussing what presents,
he would be receiving come Christmas day,
the Grotto has had to turn them away.
For unless Santa can prove that he is fine and upstanding,
there is just no way he will be cleared for landing.
So Prancer and Dancer and Blitzen and Comet,
and the sleigh with all the presents up on it,
That used to be welcome within the UK,
will be asked to "move on. Be on your way".
And it isn't just Santa who'll suffer this year,
For the people of Britain there is no Christmas cheer.
The bankers have ensured we are in crippling debt;
Xmas is labelled 'offensive' by the politically correct;
No more nativities or 'Away in a Manger',
"we don't want to offend a non-Christian stranger".
The irony is that the 'strangers' don't care,
Because on Christmas Day they will likely be there,
Opening presents, watching rubbish on telly,
Wondering "what happened to that man with the belly?
The one with the beard, the one who wore red.
Who came down the chimney whilst the kids were in bed."
"He's been made redundant because money is tight"
But still.. goodwill to all and to all a goodnight.
Love and Hugs
Les
http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/4745233.Shortage_means_Santa_s_grotto_will_be_empty/
Twas the month before Christmas and all through the town,
Not a Santa was working, for none could be found.
They were all busy filling out forms of a sort,
that allowed them to show they had never been caught,
doing anything likely to warrant arrest,
that may prevent working with kids this xmas.
Despite the fact mum and dad would be present,
when young Freddie was sat discussing what presents,
he would be receiving come Christmas day,
the Grotto has had to turn them away.
For unless Santa can prove that he is fine and upstanding,
there is just no way he will be cleared for landing.
So Prancer and Dancer and Blitzen and Comet,
and the sleigh with all the presents up on it,
That used to be welcome within the UK,
will be asked to "move on. Be on your way".
And it isn't just Santa who'll suffer this year,
For the people of Britain there is no Christmas cheer.
The bankers have ensured we are in crippling debt;
Xmas is labelled 'offensive' by the politically correct;
No more nativities or 'Away in a Manger',
"we don't want to offend a non-Christian stranger".
The irony is that the 'strangers' don't care,
Because on Christmas Day they will likely be there,
Opening presents, watching rubbish on telly,
Wondering "what happened to that man with the belly?
The one with the beard, the one who wore red.
Who came down the chimney whilst the kids were in bed."
"He's been made redundant because money is tight"
But still.. goodwill to all and to all a goodnight.
Love and Hugs
Les
Tuesday 3 November 2009
Refuse to Work
I am writing to pledge my support to the Bin Men and Women (Bin People?) of Bolton who, for too long, have been expected to work long hours for little pay and are now expected to work even longer hours for the same pay.
For several years now these hard working individuals have been expected to be at work for 6:45am every morning where, after a brief 45 minute chat and a cup of tea, they climb into a truck and drive to the first street on their rounds. These men and women are then expected to climb down from the truck and physically push a bin with wheels on 20 or so yards to the truck. They must then wait a good 2 seconds whilst the lorry lifts the bin up for them and pours its contents into the rear of the truck before having to the push the bin, with wheels on, the 10 or so yards back to where ever they feel like dumping it.
This cycle continues right up until lunchtime which, incidentally, lasts just 19 hours.
And they are expected to carry out this work for an average wage of just over £18,000 per annum? Disgusting.
So people of Bolton join me in pledging your support to ensure the council cant impose a full working day on these hardworking individuals. Refuse (no pun intended) to have you bins collected or write a letter to your MP demanding that the old ways are brought back. You know... where the Bin People had to lift a big heavy metal bin and pour it into the lorry by hand.
Love and hugs
Les Miserables
Tonge M......errr Ladybridge.
For several years now these hard working individuals have been expected to be at work for 6:45am every morning where, after a brief 45 minute chat and a cup of tea, they climb into a truck and drive to the first street on their rounds. These men and women are then expected to climb down from the truck and physically push a bin with wheels on 20 or so yards to the truck. They must then wait a good 2 seconds whilst the lorry lifts the bin up for them and pours its contents into the rear of the truck before having to the push the bin, with wheels on, the 10 or so yards back to where ever they feel like dumping it.
This cycle continues right up until lunchtime which, incidentally, lasts just 19 hours.
And they are expected to carry out this work for an average wage of just over £18,000 per annum? Disgusting.
So people of Bolton join me in pledging your support to ensure the council cant impose a full working day on these hardworking individuals. Refuse (no pun intended) to have you bins collected or write a letter to your MP demanding that the old ways are brought back. You know... where the Bin People had to lift a big heavy metal bin and pour it into the lorry by hand.
Love and hugs
Les Miserables
Tonge M......errr Ladybridge.
Thursday 8 October 2009
It's bin a while!
An Open Letter to Bolton Council Environmental Service Department
Good Morning. I do hope this letter find you and your Bolton Family in good health. How are the kids? (I mean apart from the ones that haven't been able to get into a primary school since you closed them all).
I was just writing to see if you would mind bringing one of those refuse trucks over to empty my wheelie bin. It's been a good two and a half weeks since anyone came to visit and Donald (the wheelie bin) has been complaining of indigestion.
I understand that many of your refuse workers are incredibly busy sitting around drinking tea and avoiding exercise, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the cat my 4 year old daughter has recently adopted, after finding it sniffing around the bin, is an impostor, (it has an incredibly long tail and seems to be wearing some sort of mouse outfit) and I am concerned all his friends may join him if the bins are not emptied quickly.
Please let me know if you would be able to do this soon. Alternatively if it would be easier for me and the other thousands of households in the area to bring our un-emptied bins into the town centre on Saturday 17th October at say, around 12pm, and wait on Victoria Square for collection the I'm sure this could be arranged.
Please get back soon
Hugs and Kisses
Kev Walsh
Tonge Moor
Good Morning. I do hope this letter find you and your Bolton Family in good health. How are the kids? (I mean apart from the ones that haven't been able to get into a primary school since you closed them all).
I was just writing to see if you would mind bringing one of those refuse trucks over to empty my wheelie bin. It's been a good two and a half weeks since anyone came to visit and Donald (the wheelie bin) has been complaining of indigestion.
I understand that many of your refuse workers are incredibly busy sitting around drinking tea and avoiding exercise, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the cat my 4 year old daughter has recently adopted, after finding it sniffing around the bin, is an impostor, (it has an incredibly long tail and seems to be wearing some sort of mouse outfit) and I am concerned all his friends may join him if the bins are not emptied quickly.
Please let me know if you would be able to do this soon. Alternatively if it would be easier for me and the other thousands of households in the area to bring our un-emptied bins into the town centre on Saturday 17th October at say, around 12pm, and wait on Victoria Square for collection the I'm sure this could be arranged.
Please get back soon
Hugs and Kisses
Kev Walsh
Tonge Moor
Wednesday 30 September 2009
In Mourning
Clearly a copy and pasted e-mail that i didn't write but have no reference to who did so ill pretend its all my own work.
Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Obituary
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Monday 7 September 2009
Get out, You're bard!
In reply to letter sent into The Bolton News on Saturday 5th September 2009
Salutations
Is this a letter i see before me, vile words of hatred turned towards my hand? I do of course refer to the chastising words of Mssr P Godwin in his letter "Should the Bard be Banned?"(BN 5th September 2005). We get regular deliveries of the Bolton News up here in Heaven and i usually enjoy my daily read, however when i came across Mr Godwin's claims that my work was obsolete well.... lets just say it was a good job God had popped out to the cinema with Ghandi to watch Disney's G-force otherwise i may be writing this from a much warmer place.
How can this man say such things about the work i spent over 20 years of my life creating? Maybe i could have done with a spell checker or someone to proofread occasionally but to say that it has no relevance in today's society is ridiculous. I mean take Macbeth for example. Surely a play about a deranged Scottish man who takes control of the kingdom even though no-one else wants him to and then clings on for dear life only for it to all end in tears is relevant today is it not? Of course i can't think of any specific example....
Romeo and Juliet is of course a prophecy predicting the end of Islamic/Jewish tensions in Gaza (Just because it still hasn't happened does not mean it won't) and Midsummer Night's Dream..errr...well. I had been experimenting with some mushrooms I had found in the garden when i wrote that one. How was i to know it would end up being the forerunner to E4's 'Skins'?
Anyway I digress. My main reason for writing was to ask people to come and decide for themselves if my work is "out-dated" or "obsolete". I extend an invitation to the people of Bolton to join me and my good friends Elvis, Rod Hull and George Best (he was let out of hell early for good behaviour), over at Bolton Little Theatre between 12th and 19th of September to see the aforementioned, mushroom inspired, Midsummer Nights Dream being performed by a wonderfully talented group of volunteers. Just type www.blt.org.uk on that inter-webby thing you are all into nowadays for more information.
Well must dash. I have a reading group in an hour and have to finish reading 'The Hobbit' or Tolkein will start sulking again. Hope to see you all next week.
Love and Kisses
Bill Shakespeare
Salutations
Is this a letter i see before me, vile words of hatred turned towards my hand? I do of course refer to the chastising words of Mssr P Godwin in his letter "Should the Bard be Banned?"(BN 5th September 2005). We get regular deliveries of the Bolton News up here in Heaven and i usually enjoy my daily read, however when i came across Mr Godwin's claims that my work was obsolete well.... lets just say it was a good job God had popped out to the cinema with Ghandi to watch Disney's G-force otherwise i may be writing this from a much warmer place.
How can this man say such things about the work i spent over 20 years of my life creating? Maybe i could have done with a spell checker or someone to proofread occasionally but to say that it has no relevance in today's society is ridiculous. I mean take Macbeth for example. Surely a play about a deranged Scottish man who takes control of the kingdom even though no-one else wants him to and then clings on for dear life only for it to all end in tears is relevant today is it not? Of course i can't think of any specific example....
Romeo and Juliet is of course a prophecy predicting the end of Islamic/Jewish tensions in Gaza (Just because it still hasn't happened does not mean it won't) and Midsummer Night's Dream..errr...well. I had been experimenting with some mushrooms I had found in the garden when i wrote that one. How was i to know it would end up being the forerunner to E4's 'Skins'?
Anyway I digress. My main reason for writing was to ask people to come and decide for themselves if my work is "out-dated" or "obsolete". I extend an invitation to the people of Bolton to join me and my good friends Elvis, Rod Hull and George Best (he was let out of hell early for good behaviour), over at Bolton Little Theatre between 12th and 19th of September to see the aforementioned, mushroom inspired, Midsummer Nights Dream being performed by a wonderfully talented group of volunteers. Just type www.blt.org.uk on that inter-webby thing you are all into nowadays for more information.
Well must dash. I have a reading group in an hour and have to finish reading 'The Hobbit' or Tolkein will start sulking again. Hope to see you all next week.
Love and Kisses
Bill Shakespeare
Tuesday 25 August 2009
Schools Out Forever.
I write in regards to the recent news that primary school pupils in Bolton could be crammed into classes of 40 in the new term after Bolton Council made the extremely wise and shrewd cost saving decision to close several primary schools last year. Whilst I am not usually one to question the judgement of our wise and powerful council i do have grave concerns as to the effects this will have.
Firstly, how will the residents surrounding SS Osmund and Andrew’s Primary School in Falkirk Drive, Breightmet. be affected? They have had to suffer the pain and torment of hearing children playing for a number of years now. To increase the number of children who are likely to commit the grave and criminal act of 'playing' can only have major detrimental effects on the nearby residents who may even be forced to take drastic action, such as turning the volume up whilst watching Cash in the Attic or going for a walk.
Secondly, is it wise to use £14 million on expanding existing schools' capacities to deal with more pupils? Could this money not be better spent on more light-bulbs or putting hazardous paving stones down on St Gerorges Road? Perhaps, and this is just a wild idea i know, the £14 million could have been spent on keeping the schools that were closed last year running? Oh but of course. Everybody knows a primary school costs £14million to run each year....don't they? (Obviously someone missed a couple of zero's off the accounts that were presented at my last governors meeting just before the summer holidays. I shall have serious words regarding embezzlement).
Ah well, I'm sure the council know what they are doing. It's not as if they have made any silly decisions up until now have they?
Hugs and kisses
Les
xxx
Firstly, how will the residents surrounding SS Osmund and Andrew’s Primary School in Falkirk Drive, Breightmet. be affected? They have had to suffer the pain and torment of hearing children playing for a number of years now. To increase the number of children who are likely to commit the grave and criminal act of 'playing' can only have major detrimental effects on the nearby residents who may even be forced to take drastic action, such as turning the volume up whilst watching Cash in the Attic or going for a walk.
Secondly, is it wise to use £14 million on expanding existing schools' capacities to deal with more pupils? Could this money not be better spent on more light-bulbs or putting hazardous paving stones down on St Gerorges Road? Perhaps, and this is just a wild idea i know, the £14 million could have been spent on keeping the schools that were closed last year running? Oh but of course. Everybody knows a primary school costs £14million to run each year....don't they? (Obviously someone missed a couple of zero's off the accounts that were presented at my last governors meeting just before the summer holidays. I shall have serious words regarding embezzlement).
Ah well, I'm sure the council know what they are doing. It's not as if they have made any silly decisions up until now have they?
Hugs and kisses
Les
xxx
Thursday 13 August 2009
Drives Me Crazy
Dear First, Arriva and other Bus companies operating in the area.I would like to take this opportunity to publically thank you and your greed for ensuring I will never have the need to catch the bus to work ever again. By making the cost of a journey from Bolton Town Centre to the stop nearest to my home off Ainsworth Lane the same as a private taxi (£2) means i shall no longer have to endure screaming children, flatulent pensioners or teenagers playing the sound of The Lesser Tailed Screaming Lizard Pigeon off their mobile phones. Instead I can now relax in the comfort of a 5 door Mondeo driven erratically by a man that either speaks very little English, smells faintly of cheese and onion pasties or, in some cases, both.
Lets hope that people don’t start talking to each other when using public transport otherwise they may decided to all ‘chip in’ for a taxi and pay just 50pence each to get to their destination, a full 30pence LESS than the concessionary fare. Where would the bus services be then?
Don’t worry though, i’m sure people will continue to be non-the-wiser. Let’s just hope that some fellow hell-bent on eventually running the country doesn’t write in to the local paper to point it out.
Hugs and kisses
Les
Monday 8 June 2009
The Irony
Dear Bolton News
On 6th June 1944 Allied forces made up of British, American and Canadian troops landed on the beaches of Normandy with the evil intentions of eradicating Europe of National Socialism. The National Socialists had been ‘democratically elected’ by the people of Germany due to their ‘well-thought out’ policies regarding immigration, economic regeneration and world domination. For 7 years the Nazis, led by the shy yet charming Mr Hitler, had quite happily strolled through Europe taking in the sights, chatting with the locals and exterminating 6 million innocent people. The British, however, decided that this wasn’t the way people should behave and put an end to it.
On 7th June 2009, a full 65 years and 1 day later, whilst cataloguing my hemp and sorting through my collection of National Socialist German Workers Party memorabilia, I was struck by the news from my wireless that the honest, upstanding and tolerant Mr Griffin had been elected as an MEP for the North West and that his equally tolerant and honest colleague Mr Brons from Yorkshire had also been elected, on the basis of ‘well-thought out’ policies regarding immigration, economic regeneration and world domination. It is only a matter of time now that the shy, yet charming Mr Griffin, will stroll though Europe taking in the sights and chatting with the locals.....etc etc.
That’s unless the British decide this isn’t the way people should behave and put an end to it.
Lots of love and hugs
Les
On 6th June 1944 Allied forces made up of British, American and Canadian troops landed on the beaches of Normandy with the evil intentions of eradicating Europe of National Socialism. The National Socialists had been ‘democratically elected’ by the people of Germany due to their ‘well-thought out’ policies regarding immigration, economic regeneration and world domination. For 7 years the Nazis, led by the shy yet charming Mr Hitler, had quite happily strolled through Europe taking in the sights, chatting with the locals and exterminating 6 million innocent people. The British, however, decided that this wasn’t the way people should behave and put an end to it.
On 7th June 2009, a full 65 years and 1 day later, whilst cataloguing my hemp and sorting through my collection of National Socialist German Workers Party memorabilia, I was struck by the news from my wireless that the honest, upstanding and tolerant Mr Griffin had been elected as an MEP for the North West and that his equally tolerant and honest colleague Mr Brons from Yorkshire had also been elected, on the basis of ‘well-thought out’ policies regarding immigration, economic regeneration and world domination. It is only a matter of time now that the shy, yet charming Mr Griffin, will stroll though Europe taking in the sights and chatting with the locals.....etc etc.
That’s unless the British decide this isn’t the way people should behave and put an end to it.
Lots of love and hugs
Les
Friday 29 May 2009
'Feelgood' about a Nuclear Winter
First printed in the Bolton News.
10:30am Friday 29th May 2009
I COMPLETELY agree with “Name and address supplied” in The Bolton News regarding “What is there to feel good about?” (May 27).
Who on earth do the directors of Bolton Little Theatre think they are?
For 78 years they have been allowing talented volunteers to waste their time putting on “performances” for the people of Bolton when they should have all been at home documenting their varied collection of hemp like the rest of us.
I find it utterly disgusting that anyone would want to engage with others in an evening of laughter and entertainment.
It makes me especially angry when people would willingly watch a play that pokes fun at the fine upstanding citizens we have elected as our MPs. These people deserve our support, not ridicule.
So, I urge you, people of Bolton, don’t be tempted by an evening of humour, farce and satire.
Instead, close the curtains, take out the hemp and join me as we slowly wait for the nuclear winter that North Korea is intent on inflicting upon us — and bring a sweater . . . it may get chilly.
Love and hugs.
Les
Wednesday 18 March 2009
The Harsh Truth about Poverty in Britain
On Friday 13th March 2009 millions of people across Britain tuned in to watch Comic Relief. Over the course of the evening we were brought to tears by horrific stories of families forced to live in horrendous conditions. Malnourished and without any money having to endure day after day of hardship to just survive. Little did we know that there were families on our very own doorsteps having to endure almost the same lifelong struggle against poverty on a daily basis.
One such family, the Chawner’s (BN Wednesday 18th March: “Too Fat to Work”) find everyday a struggle to survive. Forced to live in a house made of bricks, heated only by gas and electricity, the family have just 22thousand pounds a year to live off and regularly find themselves struggling to cope.
Every week Mrs Chawner is forced to walk the long, arduous 2feet across the room to one of the families only two computers and visit asda.com where she can only afford to buy the necessities of microwavable pies, biscuits, bacon, bread and cereal. Meanwhile her daughter, Emma, has to attend a hairdressing course for 12 hours a week, meaning she has no time to do things that other girls her age do, like squat thrusts or eat a salad.
There are families all over Britain suffering in the same way struck down by laziness. We must help them. By pledging just 1pound a day you too can ensure these brave souls don’t have to turn to last ditch measures to survive, such as finding a job.
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