Thursday, 11 August 2011

The day the Kaiser Chiefs were proven right!

Dear Britain

Over the past week we have some some absolutely horrific scenes as thousands of people, primarily youths, engaged in scenes that would make the Next sale queues look like a walk in the park.Shops and businesses throughout the country were looted and set alight, peoples lives were turned upside down and homes were destroyed. It became quickly apparent that one thing that was seriously lacking in society was 'Respect'. Respect for authority, respect for property and a massive lack of respect for each other in general. In fact the only thing that there doesn't seem to have been a lack of is 'excuses'. Let's take a look at some of my personal favourites.

'The riots occurred because a man with a gun got shot'
It is widely understood that it was the 'unprovoked' shooting of Mark Duggan (father of 4... I think it is law that the media have to point this fact out every time he is mentioned) that was the catalyst for these riots. And rightly so. I mean lets ignore the fact he had a gun for a second (I am sure he had a self loading handgun for a completely innocent reason), a dad was shot. Everyone knows dad's don't cause trouble, even ones with self loading handguns. He could have been a Tottenham. Perfect reason for the

'Young people have nothing to do'
This is very true... Call of Duty MW3 isn't going to be released until November and everyone has finished COD: Black Ops. These kids COULD have spent their time doing what young people did when I was a kid, (building go carts, climbing trees, playing football, flicking through a discarded 'adult' magazine in the park... innocent stuff like that) but nothing can compare to nicking some Reeboks!

'The coalition government caused it'
Everyone knows that cutting EMA is a perfect excuse for a massive group of 9 to 30 year old's to go out and steal stuff. It doesn't matter that most of these people wouldn't be able to claim EMA anyway...what with them choosing not to go to college. I suppose it could have been a lack of employment prospects caused by lib/con economic policy (and not a thing to do with Labour letting banks do what they want for 12years of course!) but I'm not sure there are enough paper rounds to go around, especially not with the News of the World gone.

So there you have it. Perfect excuses for what has happened over the past 5 days. Indeed we haven't even touched on the 'coming from a single parent family' or 'living in a council house' yet. Oh wait... both of those applied to me growing up! better go grab myself a free telly!

love and hugs

Kev Walsh


Wednesday, 15 June 2011

How Cooperative are the Co-Op?

Dear Sir,

On Thursday 9th June 2011 I was invited to the CFS building on Miller Street, Manchester to be interviewed for the position of Information Analyst in the IT department of Co-operative Financial Services. Before I continue I must say that the interviewers where fantastic and made me feel extremely welcome, it was one of the most enjoyable interviews I have had in my lifetime.

You can understand my disappointment when, on Tuesday 14th June 2011, I was contacted by the CFS to be informed that they would not be taking my application any further due to "an adverse credit rating". I was immediately taken aback by this. Whilst I have, as many people in the UK have, defaulted a few times on various payments I have always strived to keep on top of my finances. A particularly difficult task given the current economic climate. 

After a few minutes i called the CFS representative who had contacted me to ask for clarification on a few things. Namely why a poor credit rating, due to defaults and NOT CCJ's or bankruptcy, would prevent me from being able to carry out the role of Internal Communications Analyst. I was informed that this was because I would be "unable to open a Staff Bank Account". 

Now I hope you do not mind sir but I was hoping for clarification on a number of things that your colleague was unable to provide.

1) Why is it a requirement that all employees hold a CFS Staff Bank Account?

2) Would it be possible for a CFS Staff member to carry out their role to full effect without holding a CFS Staff Account?

3) The CFS Values clearly state that the CFS:
  • We put our members and customers first in all we do
  • Together we create a great place to work, grow and develop
  • We are open & fair and are committed to excellent communication
  • We strive relentlessly to be faster, better more successful
  • We take personal and social responsibility
Would it not be right to say then that by adopting a policy that ensures over 25% of the UK population are unable to pursue a career with the CFS (1 in 4 people are currently affected by poor credit history due to defaults) then the CFS are failing somewhat to uphold their values of taking personal and social responsibility; creating a great place to work grow and develop; and being open and fair and committed to excellent communication?

4) Will the CFS be able to reimburse my travel costs, totalling £8.05p, that i incurred whilst travelling to an interview for a job that, due to CFS policy, I had no chance of getting?

I do hope you can take the time to answer these queries. I am a great admirer of the CFS and the Co-Op Group and I would have been tremendously proud to have worked for an organisation that holds the very same values that I myself am so passionate about. It is just a shame that due to policy decisions in the organisation I shall, along with 15.5 million other people within the UK, be considered unemployable by the Co-op Financial Services.

Kindest regards

Les Miserables

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Public Apology to Arriva buses

An open apology to Arriva buses

Dear Arriva

On Thursday 10th June at 9:30am I, Mr Les Mieserables, boarded the 575 carrying 3 hash browns. Upon boarding the bus the driver informed me that he wasn't supposed to let people on carrying food or drink. However, after i had manipulated him into believing that the hash browns were in fact going to be used as part of a dry stone wall i was building in my front garden i paid my £1.30 and sat down to enjoy the sound of a bag of cats being dipped in lava coming from the Nokia being held by the young man sat at the back of the bus. 

However i then did something i am not proud of and i feel inclined to apologise for. Once the bus was underway and i thought the driver was observing the traffic ahead, I removed one of the hash browns from its bag and began to nibble on the end of it. Tasting the golden, deep fried, grated potato must have done something to my mind for i then, without consideration for the driver or any of the other 6 passengers on the bus, took what can only be considered as a 'bite' from the hash brown.

Needless to say the bus promptly stopped and the driver, obviously being placed in a massive predicament after already breaking your rules of not allowing people on the bus who are carrying food or drink, asked me to vacate the bus. 

I would therefore like to publicly apologise for my behaviour to both the driver and other passengers on the bus and would like to reassure both Arriva and other bus companies that i will never repeat the offence again. However i can't help but feel that the 4 year old who was sat on his dad's knee drinking a carton of apple juice should have also been asked to vacate the bus. And why was the old lady carrying 4 tesco bags filled with frozen ready meals and cranberry juice allowed on? Obviously I fully understand the error of my ways but a bit of consistency wouldn't go amiss.

Love and Hugs

Les Miserables


Thursday, 3 December 2009

Technorati Stole My Blog

Yes technorati, of course i don't have any problem with having to insert a random sequence of letters into a new blog post just so you can verify i own it. here..


....anything else i can do for you? Would you like me to transfer my domain name to you? maybe cook you a pie?

Let me know

love and hugs


Wednesday, 18 November 2009

An Ode to Santa

Inspired by the following article printed within The Bolton News, Wednesday 18th November 2009.

Twas the month before Christmas and all through the town,
Not a Santa was working, for none could be found.
They were all busy filling out forms of a sort,
that allowed them to show they had never been caught, 
doing anything likely to warrant arrest, 
that may prevent working with kids this xmas.  

Despite the fact mum and dad would be present, 
when young Freddie was sat discussing what presents, 
he would be receiving come Christmas day, 
the Grotto has had to turn them away. 
For unless Santa can prove that he is fine and upstanding, 
there is just no way he will be cleared for landing. 
So Prancer and Dancer and Blitzen and Comet, 
and the sleigh with all the presents up on it, 
That used to be welcome within the UK, 
will be asked to "move on. Be on your way".  

And it isn't just Santa who'll suffer this year,  
For the people of Britain there is no Christmas cheer. 
The bankers have ensured we are in crippling debt; 
Xmas is labelled 'offensive' by the politically correct; 
No more nativities or 'Away in a Manger', 
"we don't want to offend a non-Christian stranger". 

The irony is that the 'strangers' don't care,  
Because on Christmas Day they will likely be there, 
Opening presents, watching rubbish on telly, 
Wondering "what happened to that man with the belly? 
The one with the beard, the one who wore red. 
Who came down the chimney whilst the kids were in bed." 
"He's been made redundant because money is tight" 
But still.. goodwill to all and to all a goodnight.  

Love and Hugs  


Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Refuse to Work

I am writing to pledge my support to the Bin Men and Women (Bin People?) of Bolton who, for too long, have been expected to work long hours for little pay and are now expected to work even longer hours for the same pay. 

For several years now these hard working individuals have been expected to be at work for 6:45am every morning where, after a brief 45 minute chat and a cup of tea, they climb into a truck and drive to the first street on their rounds. These men and women are then expected to climb down from the truck and physically push a bin with wheels on 20 or so yards to the truck. They must then wait a good 2 seconds whilst the lorry lifts the bin up for them and pours its contents into the rear of the truck before having to the push the bin, with wheels on, the 10 or so yards back to where ever they feel like dumping it.

This cycle continues right up until lunchtime which, incidentally, lasts just 19 hours.

And they are expected to carry out this work for an average wage of just over £18,000 per annum? Disgusting.

So people of Bolton join me in pledging your support to ensure the council cant impose a full working day on these hardworking individuals. Refuse (no pun intended) to have you bins collected or write a letter to your MP demanding that the old ways are brought back. You know... where the Bin People had to lift a big heavy metal bin and pour it into the lorry by hand. 

Love and hugs  

Les Miserables  

Tonge M......errr Ladybridge.

Thursday, 8 October 2009

It's bin a while!

An Open Letter to Bolton Council Environmental Service Department

Good Morning. I do hope this letter find you and your Bolton Family in good health. How are the kids? (I mean apart from the ones that haven't been able to get into a primary school since you closed them all).

I was just writing to see if you would mind bringing one of those refuse trucks over to empty my wheelie bin. It's been a good two and a half weeks since anyone came to visit and Donald (the wheelie bin) has been complaining of indigestion.

I understand that many of your refuse workers are incredibly busy sitting around drinking tea and avoiding exercise, but I have a sneaking suspicion that the cat my 4 year old daughter has recently adopted, after finding it sniffing around the bin, is an impostor, (it has an incredibly long tail and seems to be wearing some sort of mouse outfit) and I am concerned all his friends may join him if the bins are not emptied quickly.

Please let me know if you would be able to do this soon. Alternatively if it would be easier for me and the other thousands of households in the area to bring our un-emptied bins into the town centre on Saturday 17th October at say, around 12pm, and wait on Victoria Square for collection the I'm sure this could be arranged.

Please get back soon

Hugs and Kisses

Kev Walsh
Tonge Moor